Monday, January 10, 2011

Garden of Eden

Why do we do the things we do as adults? Everything we do we do through the eyes of people who have lost innocence but in the end we are all still innocent as most of our choices are not premeditated.  A teenager falls in love with all of their heart, they fall in love like tomorrow might never come. Each look two young people in love give to each other is as if the entire world exists for only them. Each touch is a new touch, each kiss a new kiss. Every new experience, even those "new" experiences they have done a million times over are done with every fiber of their being. Where does this innocence go? Why does every innocent thing we do as adults have to be warranted as any else?  And why do we have to fear just for the sake of  having a past with fear? I don't want to be afraid of this love but at the same time I wish I didn't feel it. There are days I wake up wishing it could just fade away. I get tired of feeling it, tired of the ache that is inside. I want to feel like the innocence of youth not with the fear of an adult. I want to know him and him to know me. I want to shout it out from the rooftops but fear I am not worthy of shouting. There are days where loving him is like torture and I have to ask myself why God brought him into my life just to torture me.  Why show me something beautiful if I can't touch it?  Just seeing is not enough! I feel like we are Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden tempted by the apple.  God says "hey look at the beautiful perfect fruit which tastes like heaven, well, you can look at it but don't eat it." What does he expect of me? Not even Adam and Eve could follow that rule, they disobeyed and set man into a downward spiral so big man would never recover.  But here I am, being good, living this life I have been dealt. Saying no to that apple, but I am starving and as a starving person how long am I expected to say no? Why doesn't God just remove the tree from my garden or RELENT! From now on, just call us Adam and Eve.

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