I cannot help who I am. I can't help the desires of my heart as the heart wants what the heart wants. To some people I am crazy, living outside of reality but to me I am just honest with myself. So many people go through life making choices holding torches. I am no different from anyone else, I love someone who does not love me back. I am the guy who is still in love with his high-school sweetheart even though he is married, I am the woman who is still in love with her ex husband , a love that did not want to end but had to for some reason or another. I am anyone who holds some sort of a torch, the only difference between me and them is that I am admitting it. I want to be happy with the choices that I have made, I don't want to be swallowed by them. If opening up and venting about the love inside of me helps me to be content then so be it. I love him, I love all about him and I will ALWAYS love everything about him. If after half a lifetime things have not changed they are never going to no matter how hard I try to make things different. The heart is a stubborn thing but once it it is hit by the lightening that is real love there is no going back. You have been struck down and you will forever bare the mark of it. I have been struck by lightening, the scar is deep, I often times feel pain where the lightening hit. But between the pain and the scars I still have dreams. And when you close your eyes you have no chance in hell of changing the story that plays in your head. There is no remote control and there is no getting up. I am a card carrying member of the Torch club and unfortunately they won't cancel my membership.