Tuesday, January 11, 2011

If you think you might come to California

When I was a young girl and fresh out of high school I decided I need to leave my hometown and set out on my own.  I decided I would move off to California to the town he was from. I didn't go in hopes to "find" him but went because it was a place I had always wanted to live and I needed drastic change. The fact that he was there was simply a bonus. I had no intentions of looking for him or meeting him, I figured if it were to happen then it would happen by the grace of God otherwise it wasn't meant to be.  Now, 15 years later, I wish I had gone the other route. Found him, told him and moved forward together or on apart. Whatever ended up happening would have happened and put a close to this whole ordeal. I thought I saw him once, I was at the bus station when  I first arrived in town. I turned around and staring out the window which overlooked the city was a man with the same build, the same sense of style, the same hair, stance, etc.... My heart stopped beating as it did the first time I laid eyes on him and butterflies fluttered around in my stomach. I felt so sick I could barely stand up straight. As I begin to walk toward him he turned around and my hope faded. I cannot begin to describe the sadness that came over me. But I spent my time in that town loving life not only loving the idea that at any minute I might turn a corner and bump right into him but loving the idea of being FREE. It was a beautiful time in my life, full of peace, love and hope. I miss those days!

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